by Emily Perl Kingsley, 1987, all rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo, David. The gondolas of Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland."
"HOLLAND?!?” you say. “What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place ... After you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around ... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills ... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away ... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, very lovely things ... about Holland.
CELEBRATING HOLLAND - I'M HOME
Follow-up to the original Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley
By Cathy Anthony
I have been in Holland for over a decade now. It has become home. I have had time to catch my breath, to settle and adjust, to accept something different than I'd planned. I reflect back on those years of past when I had first landed in Holland.
I remember clearly my shock, my fear, my anger, the pain and uncertainty. In those first few years, I tried to get back to Italy as planned, but Holland was where I was to stay. Today, I can say how far I have come on this unexpected journey. I have learned so much more. But, this too has been a journey of time.
I worked hard. I bought new guidebooks. I learned a new language and I slowly found my way around this new land. I have met others whose plans had changed like mine, and who could share my experience. We supported one another and some have become very special friends.
Some of these fellow travelers had been in Holland longer than I and were seasoned guides, assisting me along the way. Many have encouraged me. Many have taught me to open my eyes to the wonder and gifts to behold in this new land. I have discovered a community of caring. Holland wasn't so bad.
I think that Holland is used to wayward travelers like me and grew to become a land of hospitality, reaching out to welcome, to assist and to support newcomers like me in this new land. Over the years, I've wondered what life would have been like if I'd landed in Italy as planned. Would life have been easier? Would it have been as rewarding? Would I have learned some of the important lessons I hold today?
Sure, this journey has been more challenging and at times I would (and still do) stomp my feet and cry out in frustration and protest. And, yes, Holland is slower paced than Italy and less flashy than Italy, but this too has been an unexpected gift. I have learned to slow down in ways too and look closer at things, with a new appreciation for the remarkable beauty of Holland with its tulips, windmills and Rembrandts.
I have come to love Holland and call it Home.
I have become a world traveler and discovered that it doesn't matter where you land. What's more important is what you make of your journey and how you see and enjoy the very special, the very lovely, things that Holland, or any land, has to offer.
Yes, over a decade ago I landed in a place I hadn't planned. Yet I am thankful, for this destination has been richer than I could have imagined!
What a great story, thanks for sharing it!
ReplyDeleteThe Holland story has helped me a lot with my own journey of having baby Jack. It is not what I expected in having a baby, but doesn't make it any less precious. I love him with all of my being... and I'm sure you feel the say way with sweetie, Baby W! He is already amazing!
ReplyDeleteOh and here is possibly the BEST online-support group for parents of little ones with medical issues:
http://www.inspire.com/groups/dwarfism/
We have used the inspire preemie support group for each and every question we have had and it looks like this would be one you could use. Lots of good info, when you are ready to start deep education.
We are praying for you guys!!!
I couldn't agree more, we did not have children the way that we planned on having them, but we would not change it now, we have grown and been so blessed by taking an alternate route. I'm sure that you will find much peace and joy in Holland!
ReplyDeleteI was going to send you the same story . . . didn't know there was a part two. You and Cody have great faith . . . you and the little one will be fine!
ReplyDeleteAunt Jill
Wow that is a beautiful story. Everyone can learn from that story and that outlook on life. Thank you for sharing that story and the current story you are living. You are a great example to all who know you. Our prayers are with you. He is so lucky to be joining a family like yours and to have you two as parents.
ReplyDelete